What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word, “Love”? Is it marriage, intimacy, relationships, family, or is it God? I don’t know about you, but the first four words on that list are the ones I have always used to identify what love is, but never that last one. I recently asked my eight-year-old son the same question, and without hesitation he responded, “Relationships!”
I was shocked to find that he innately distinguished love to be an expression of feeling towards another person; like the sensation of butterflies in your stomach, or the thumping of your heart when you think you’ve met “the one.” For some, however, love is found in the form of affirmation for what they think they have done right through their words or actions. While others are swayed by being showered with gifts from someone who must surely love them. Then there are those who cherish physical and emotional intimacy and deep vulnerability, just to get a taste of love, if even for a moment. And finally, if the adage “blood is thicker than water” reigns true, then the bond of love finds no stronger hold than between members of a family. Sadly, and far too often, love has come to mean a way to fill our insatiable selfish desires and expectations.
Love has been simplified to a mere sensation, a sensuality, and a selfish security - instead of God.
Before defining true love, some common ground needs to be established. Every word has a fixed objective meaning. An apple is a fruit and not a vegetable, and a car is a vehicle, not a book. This may sound a bit extreme and exaggerated, but the point is, there is a fixed definition and principle meaning for everything. We must understand the truth of a matter so that we will not be deceived when it is misrepresented or misinterpreted. For example, a history book written in the United States will portray the life of Dr. Martin Luther King in a more accurate light than one written in another country. However, there is only one truth to the history of his life, and if it is taught differently in every continent, then the facts of his story could come into question; they may be misconstrued and could hold some false narratives influencing wrong ideologies concerning his message. Another example is when considering the questions of creation. Is there a supreme and infinite God that created everything in seven days as stated in the book of Genesis? Or, was there a “Big Bang” millions of years ago that made everything appear out of a single molecule? Also, is it possible that we may have evolved from monkeys? I think you get the picture, as at the end there is only one truth to this story also. Hence, our basis of truth must be sought after in our history book, the Bible.
If we tolerate falsities or concoct our own ideology based on multiple worldviews and experiences, then we are fooling ourselves.
In Proverbs 12:12 it states, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” This is a stark warning against today’s subjective inferences. It illustrates how a person’s worldview can lead to destruction if it is not established on the objective truth found in God (1 John 5:9).
Now that we have established a foundation of objectivity, we can shift our focus to defining love from a biblical standpoint. By affirming the truth of the Bible, we can come to know and understand true love. Let us begin by asking a few questions from the "Five W's." You may remember them from your high-school English class; the who, what, when, where, and why of a story. We will find that love is not limited to the list first mentioned above. So then, what is love? The answer to this question is also surprisingly the answer to, who is love? The apostle John, who was discipled by Jesus Christ himself, wrote, “God is love” (1 John 4:8). Having experienced the love of the Son of God first-hand, he understood clearly that love is the very character of God. This is repetitiously professed and observed throughout the Bible.
God has proven, through his mercy, grace, forgiveness, and kindness, to be the embodiment of love.
God made it even more tangible for us to understand this by coming down to earth and manifesting himself through his Son Jesus Christ; by revealing and demonstrating what love is through “his one and only Son” (1 John 4:9). He became fully man and fully God and made his love known to a skeptical and unbelieving world by placing the truth directly in front of their eyes. Yet, many still did not believe. After all his teachings on how to live the right way, and after all the miraculous signs and wonders he performed, he was insulted, spat on, beat, and crucified. And still, he responded in love, all the way to the cross. Why would he do this? Well, because God is love and he doesn’t know how to be anything outside of that. By willingly dying for a world that hates him and refused to want to know him, he gave us a demonstration of true love. John wrote, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters” (1 John 3:16).
Therefore, true love is willingly and unselfishly laying your life down for another human being, regardless whether they hate you, reject you, speak ill of you, don’t return the favor, can’t give you what you need, or just don’t know you.
This means I should be willing to take a bullet for a random human being or give away my favorite brand-name coat to a homeless man on the street who is suffering in the cold, because I am willing to be cold for him instead.
This is incomprehensible? It is inconceivable, especially when you instinctively want to bash the boss you hate or take vengeance on an ex who has done you wrong. Furthermore, it is uncomfortable to say, “Hello, how are you, you are loved” to the person in the elevator because you just don’t “feel” like talking. Maybe that person had a bad day and hearing those words would have encouraged them. But trust me, I have had my own share of resentment, bitterness, and vengeance towards many people who have hurt me in the past. At times, I just do not feel like talking to people either. These things are inconceivable because we are too focused on ourselves. We are always resisting actions from a place of love because we intuitively know we will not receive anything in return. Love is an area we fail most at as Christians. We often do not understand it, nor do we represent what it truly looks like. Essentially, we cannot possibly love like Jesus on our own strength. Nevertheless,
I want to reassure you that God’s love will be perfected in us and demonstrated through us if we remain and abide in Him (1 John 4:12).
Having acknowledged the demonstration of true love and what it means, it is evident why we have to love in this manner. Primarily, this is what God commands us to do in John 15:12, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” If God loves us in spite of our flaws and faults, we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:11); and if we don’t love, the Bible says we don’t know God, because God is love. Secondly, we love in this manner because people see God through how we love each other (1 John 4:12). Scripture states that even evil people know how to love their own family and friends. If that’s the case, we have to love in the manner of laying our life down for all people, because that is what sets us apart from a selfish, corrupt, and dying world - loving people who don’t deserve it. This is how God gets His glory. This is what makes people curious and intrigued about the existence of a real God.
I urge you to count the cost and really walk this out how it is intended to. Love is bigger than you and me. Love is our mission and purpose for the expansion of the kingdom of God. Love is selfless.
So, to get this love thing right, we must surrender our narrow notions of what love ought to be and resist looking for our own selfish gain.
We must be willing to put aside our most fragile and valuable possessions before someone else, like our desires, our needs, and your comfort. We must understand that love is not conditional, it is coinciding. In other words, we are able to still respond with an agreeable and loving spirit even when we have been betrayed, insulted, or done wrong. Lastly, love is not familiar, it is neighborly. It goes against what we have been taught. We must have a loving and serving heart for people we may not know or do not like. We must be willing to give up our security for someone else’s stability. The first step to walking this out is to let go of any entitlement that seems worthier than another human life. So I challenge you to this: The next time you are next to someone you do not know or someone you would categorize as “socially unacceptable,” give up something valuable you have and tell them that you love them because Jesus loves them!
Evlyne Tanoe is a mother, writer, worship leader, songwriter, and a woman who devotes her life to serving God and others. Having overcome years of depression, abuse, and identity crisis, she now uses her ministry, Blossoming Brokenness, to help those battling those same issues.
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